The past three relationships I had were all wonderful. But then, it seems like it gives me a lesson when it comes to loving.
It always end up in a “more than friends, less than lovers” kind of thing. And I felt like I’m the best “friend” material ever created here on earth.
When spark strikes
This is the unexplainable thing I felt whenever I found a new relationship. But as the mutual understanding continues, that spark slowly fades away that giving confusion and sadness.
Strike 1: (Summer flings gone sour)
After almost a seven years of not seeing each other (even if we’re at the same barangay), I had a chance again to get in touch with this guy and continue our “puppy love” affair.
He’s my grade school crush whom I spent hours fantasizing about. During our first week; he adores my quirks and personal peculiarities, he takes time to care for me, he makes plans with me, and he values our time together, but after all these sweet moments it turned into a tough situations.
Here’s our typical conversation:
Me: You know what happened at school today? When I was into the hallway…I bumped into a…oh did I tell you that…so there!
Him: That’s great!
Me: How’s your day?
Me: That’s it? Tell me what happened.
Him: The same thing.
Me: Okay. Well you know what…
Sometimes I just want o shake him and ask him to spill all the details of his day. He’s a typical guy who’d rather NOT talk about what’s going through his mind. After four months of hot and cold relationship, he realized that he does not deserve to me and decided to end it up. He also emphasized that it’s better if we stay best friends.
Strike 2: (Best friends fall in love)
They say that relationship grows in stage. But it’s not easy for most to go to that romantic stage, especially when it comes to long-time friendship.
This guy is one of my friends since high school. We’re in the same barkada having both 5 girls and boys. We’ve been much closed to each other. We always hang-out, play computer games, play and watch basketball together. He always sleeps right next to me every time we have sleepovers. He was my prom date too! Whenever I tell him about a guy spilling his guts to me, he’ll tell me he’s either gay or just plain weird. He’s just like a big brother to me.
But after five years of great friendship, I was shocked when he declared his love for me (in a “more that friends” manner). He started to act like he’s my boyfriend even there’s no official commitment. He monitored my all-day activities and always called me every night.
From the on, I became more attach and expected more to him. Suddenly, when I cleared things up, he ended saying, “Its better if we just stay as friends.”
Strike 3: Getting Played
How do you know if your guy is playing with you like you were born yesterday? It’s quite hard to determine when you’re dating kind of guy.
This guy is sweet, caring and fun-to-be with. And yes, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. There was one hitch: He wanted to rush our friendship into the next stage even without knowing each other.
It was all for naught, because after 2 months of these, he found someone else and left me. He uttered the same words that the two guys mentioned above said to me, “For a while, it’s better if we just be friends.” I was distraught once again.
The importance of repetition
Looking back at these relationships makes me feel like I’m reliving scenes from bad love story movies. I knew things were wrong, but I didn’t do anything about them because I thought I would die if any one of those guys left me. I obviously didn’t die. And while the breakups hurt, I got over them anyway.
It’s a big risk to take the friendship into the next level. It could ruin the wonderful friendship, but it could also be amazing.
I don’t’ know if I’ll find myself in similar relationship in the future. All I know is, its such a relief to find, and be, myself again.